My last weekend before starting back at work has been anything but enjoyable. I was admitted into hospital with suspected appendicitis, an overnight stay and lots of tests and needles later, I was diagnosed with a burst ovarian cyst, although very painful is pretty much untreatable, the pain should subside in a few
days. I am just so grateful that I don’t need an operation, the timing would totally suck.
I have been an emotional wreck, I don’t know if it’s because my ovaries are playing havoc but I cried a lot yesterday. And what opened the flood gates??? I was on my hospital bed on a shared ward, headphones plugged into the overpriced tv watching Honey, Yes, the one with the kids from the Bronx that overcome adversity to put on a dance benefit, I only caught the last 30 mins so in no way was I emotionally involved, but I cried at the end, so much so I had to hide my face in a pillow, seeing little boys dancing made me cry! Now I don’t cry in public, I’m not one of those that cry at nice words in cards, no matter how much my friends try. I maybe shed a tear on my wedding day but not much more! For example, I was about 12 years old, watching My Girl with my younger sister, she cried at the end, I bit my lip so hard to stop, instead I laughed at her, I got sent to my bedroom, I cried, a lot.
Since having Albie I cry at a lot more than I used to, not at one born every minute like most new mummies, maybe something to do with my c-section! But show me anything with a kid in I’m a wreck. The one direction video with the boys singing to their mums and sisters, well I choke, hoping that one day my little boy will sing to me!
I got home from hospital yesterday evening. I went straight to bed to continue my book- the shadow of the wind, it’s not emotional, not where I’ve read up to, but again, tissue, tissue, tissue!
I went to kiss Albie goodnight, he was fast asleep when I got home so I missed two bedtimes with him. It made me realise how much I am going to miss him, not just him but our little life together, the last 9 months with him have been amazing, I can’t imagine not seeing him all day long, some lucky nursery nurse gets to spend all day playing with him whilst I work. I sobbed and sobbed, Andi heard and thought I was in that much pain, he came and asked why I was so upset, I know I was being silly, I know Albie will be fine, he loves nursery, I know I want to work and need to work. I just think the reality of working really hit me. That’s it, our 9 months of playtime is over. Andi reassured me that everything would be ok, and I know it will. I know we will all adjust to this new life, I’m glad I cried, Andi told me to get it all out of the way to save it happening on Monday, I don’t think I’ll cry tomorrow, I don’t cry in front of my friends, there is no way I’ll cry infront of my new colleagues!
*disclaimer- if I do cry tomorrow, it will be in a toilet, on my own, and if anyone asks I have hay fever!
Wish me luck